How to approach women in the daytime and make an impact
As we’ve discovered in the previous installments, women want to meet attractive men during the daytime. That, plus the fact that not many men approach women during the day, means it’s easy to be the guy who leaves a great impression.
So what makes up a good approach, and how do we make the best impact possible?
The key is to approach in a natural way, without coming across as needy or pleading. If you have the air of desperation or nervousness around you, the best result is that you’ll be ignored (you might come across as creepy or pathetic, which are worse.) Focus on the following when you approach:
• Check your posture
• Move with slow, deliberate motions
• Don’t talk to fast, and don’t drone
• Make eye contact
• Be direct and communicate your interest
1. Check your posture
Stand up straight, and go for a good “neutral” posture.
Plant your feet shoulder-width apart and facing forward. Keep your back straight, and avoid leaning or slouching backwards. Your shoulders should not be hunched over, and do not tilt your head upwards or downwards.
See the below image as an example, you want to be the one in the middle.
Bad posture can take a lot of effort to correct, so expect to work on it for a while. Most types of dance classes can help – Hip Hop and many other styles build a habit of keeping your core rigid as you move (which prevents leaning or slouching.)
A simple trick used by dancers is to just roll your shoulders back. This quick gesture will straighten your posture and stop hunching.
I also recommend hitting the gym with a good trainer, for students with bad posture. If you are out of shape, your weight distribution will affect your posture.
Lastly, a visit to a chiropractor will do almost everyone much benefit. When I combined chiropractic treatment with personal training, my body posture improved significantly. It also helps that you’ll feel great.
Check out our book, Body Talk, for deep insights into on posture and body language, as well as proven exercises you can use.
2. Move with slow, deliberate motions
Guys with confidence don’t twitch. They don’t use sudden, jerking motions (well, not off the dance floor at least.)
People with power or authority are calm, and their movements are slow and deliberate. Many political leaders receive world class coaching in this – watch someone like Valdmir Putin on television, and you’ll get a good sense of it.
Bonus tip: Watch how Putin often nods three times, slowly, when listening. This is an old body language trick to signify understanding (i.e. we’re on the same page.) This makes the other person feel heard, even if you haven’t got a clue what they just said.
A tip to help guys that we often teach is to imagine you are moving through water. Imagine the resistance and weight slowing you down, keeping your movements are deliberate and purposeful.
Every movement you make should be purposeful. Don’t fiddle with your spare change, or pick at your fingernails.
Becoming aware of fidgeting is the first step to stopping it. Put conscious effort into cutting it out, and over time you will remove the habit.
3. Don’t talk too fast, and don’t drone
As with body movements, slow and deliberate speech is a sign of confidence.
People who speak fast signal that they expect to be ignored, or disbelieved. In an employer – worker situation, it is typically the worker who speaks fast and trips over his words. You can also look at how certain celebrities lose star quality the moment they start ranting (invariably a form of fast talking).
A person who can speak in a slow, measured way is unafraid to be interrupted. They have the confidence to assume everyone will shut up and listen. Most CEOs and political leaders speak this way.
Besides speed, ensure you speak loudly and clearly. Many people drop to a whisper when they are anxious. Besides showing confidence, it’s frustrating to hold a conversation with someone you can’t hear. It’s like talking over a bad phone connection; after a few minutes you want to give up.
Lastly, have some vocal range to your voice. Women don’t just hear the words you say, but the way that you say them. When you give a compliment, crack a joke, ask a question, etc. don’t drone it in a monotone. If in doubt, lift the sound of the words at the end (almost like if you asked a question), as it cues the other person to respond.
4. Make eye contact
This is a big one, and one that almost every student I work with needs to improve on. It was also one of my biggest stumbling blocks when I was learning to be more attractive to women.
Improving this one aspect of non-verbal communication will change your life. Most people are not comfortable with eye contact. We sometimes feel an almost physical need to turn our head away, as it makes us feel scrutinized and vulnerable.
But eye contact is vital. It allows women to feel comfortable and connected to you. Being able to hold eye contact is a great sign of confidence, and will improve your odds of connecting with anyone, not just women.
A common trick, when you’re teaching yourself to maintain eye contact, is to periodically look at the left eye (left from your perspective) of the person you are speaking to.
5. Be direct and communicate your interest
But what do I actually say?
I advocate a direct approach when you’re meeting women in the daytime. It makes the most sense.
Something about the woman caught your eye, so it makes sense to express that rather than trying to come up with some contrived small talk (from which it can be hard to proceed sexually and romantically later). Delivering a direct compliment works very well in the daytime, so long as you deliver it with the non-verbal elements above.
I don’t want to give you an exact opening line, because I don’t want anyone to recite it like a robot, and ignore their circumstances or fail to express themselves.
Instead, I’ll give you a structure that you can use to modify to fit yourself and the situation. This is a classic approach first advocated by Love Systems instructor Jeremy Soul:
“Excuse me, I just saw you doing X, and I had to come tell you Y”
X is whatever/wherever she was when you saw her
Y is the specific compliment that you want to say based on the women who caught your eye. The more specific the better, don’t be general.
Combine these non-verbal and verbal elements together, and you have everything you need to go out there and create solid and attractive first impressions with women. Have fun!