How To Be Attractive To Women In The Daytime (part 2)
3 ways to be attractive to the women you meet
Being able to approach women and talk to them is just the first step (see part 1 of this series.) While it’s a big step, it’s just the start. The next part is to make yourself attractive to the women you approach. Now there are many ways to do this, so it’s not practical to have an exhaustive list memorized. Instead, focus on these three main qualities:
1. Create an appearance that expresses the best side of yourself
You don’t need to be magazine cover material to be attractive to women. But that being said, taking care of your appearance makes a big difference.
Your appearance communicates who you are. Your look tells a story, and human beings cannot help but form opinions based on appearance (although those opinions may change after further interaction.)
On the most basic level, be meticulous about personal grooming. Make sure you don’t go out looking unkempt or sloppy. You never know when you might meet the woman of your dreams; it might happen even on a quick run to the grocery store.
Besides communicating good things to women (e.g. you take care of yourself, you create good impressions, you’re not the gross type who wears the same ratty t-shirt three days a week), personal grooming also affects your confidence.
When you know you look terrible, with a mustard stained shirt and four-day old stubble, it’s hard to approach and speak confidently to women. In your own head, even you don’t buy the idea that you’re attractive, so you can’t project that.
Beyond personal grooming, think about what kind of identity you want to project. What’s your best or most passionate side?
Are you an art loving sophisticate? A rocker? A surfer? Dress within that subculture and convey your identity (your “flavor” if you like.) But don’t lie about it; pick something that aligns with your personality in a genuine way. You don’t want to come off as pretentious.
Further fashion advice gets a lot more detailed, and I’ll examine it in future articles. But for now, you can build on ideas from magazines or fashion websites like this one.
If there’s one rule to stick to when it comes to your fashion, it’s this: make sure the clothing fits!
Fit is the key. You don’t need to spend thousands on an outfit to make it work for you. In fact, if you spend thousands on clothes that are a poor fit, they will still look worse than a cheaper, better fitting clothes. Never look like your clothes are about to fall off you, or wear shirts so tight the buttons look ready to pop off.
2. Demonstrate confidence
By now, most of you would know that confidence makes you attractive. Confident people are upbeat and energize others. People without confidence do the opposite; it’s tiring and depressing to speak to someone who’s anxious or insecure.
Confidence starts from within. When you have a healthy self-concept (i.e. you have positive stories and views of yourself), you won’t have to remind yourself to be confident; it will be your natural state of being.
You can draw some confidence from external sources, like looks, money, having a certain reputation, etc. But this is fragile.
What happens if you suffer a financial setback? Or your reputation takes a hit? Time and ageing also take their toll. If you’re ever deprived of these advantages, can you still be confident and attractive?
I’ve run dozens of workshops by now, and I commonly hear complaints along the lines of “I used to be rich / great looking / a celebrity and good with women. But now I suck”.
Losing their external advantages didn’t make these guys “suck”. They had more going for them than just those things. If these guys drew their confidence from within, they would continue to do well even during hard times, or as they grow older.
Inner confidence comes in three forms:
• True acceptance / Non Judgment of Yourself
Stop comparing yourself to others in unhealthy ways. Don’t peg your self-worth by comparing yourself to other guys’ looks, to society’s expectations, or to your wealth.
Accept yourself as you are, without judging your worth as a human being. Like yourself for all your good points, but and accept your flaws without beating yourself up. By all means work to improve or correct those flaws, but don’t hate yourself for having them.
Your external attractiveness will mirror your degree of inner acceptance.
• Discover reasons to love yourself
To help you find reasons to love yourself, make a list of 10 things that you really like about yourself. Try not to make them external things, but more value driven. For example, don’t say “I’m in shape” but instead “I have the dedication to go after a goal”. This is a much healthier way to draw confidence and can’t disappear if your actual looks fade.
• Respect Yourself
Treat your mind and body the right way, and confidence will come from this.
Most people go through life on auto-pilot. Instead, become a man who’s living a purposeful life. Make sure you do something that gets you out of bed in the morning. It doesn’t have to be your career; it should be something you’re really passionate about.
Respect your mind and body by looking after it. Don’t just drone out watching TV every day. Push yourself, be the guy who learns new things, tries to better himself and takes care of his mental and physical health.
These will give you a great foundation for building a solid core of confidence, that can’t be shaken even in hard times. It’s this kind of confidence that women find very attractive.
As I mentioned previously, a lot of people live their lives on autopilot. As a result, there is not always a lot that causes a guy to get excited about and if he isn’t excited, how can he expect a woman to buy into that too and get excited about him.
You want to live a life of passion. Whether it’s a career you do, a hobby you have or a general ethos and attitude to life, you should have something about you that gets you going.
You want to aim to be living an awesome life, just the way you want it. If your life is awesome, exciting and you’re passionate about it then women will get drawn into that too and find you very attractive.
If you don’t have anything you’re passionate about, start looking for it now. There’s a very obvious difference between passionate people, and people who just exist. The Steve Jobs and Richard Bransons of the world are always passionate and excited about what they’re doing.
When you radiate this same quality, you will also develop a natural attractiveness to women.
If you take care of the three principles above, you’ll become the guy that women want to meet and be around. They’re not all quick fixes, but begin working on them now and over time you’ll find your attractiveness rising.
In the next article, we’ll take a step-by-step look at how to approach women in the daytime and strike up a conversation.