How To Stop Being The ‘Nice Guy’
Credit to David DeAngelo who’s thoughts are weaved into this post and to MrM who helped me write this. When we first learn how to get good with women, we’re told that women don’t like nice guys and that we have to avoid being the ‘nice guy’ at all costs. When we hear this, what usually happens is you naturally think of the opposite of the ‘nice guy’, which a lot of people would think of as the ‘bad guy’ or ‘asshole’ type.
It’s actually entirely possible to continue being a nice guy but in a way that women find attractive, rather than being ‘the nice guy’. You don’t have to flip from nice guy to being a bad guy or asshole, so long as you realise what it is about the ‘nice guy’ that women find unattractive and more importantly, start adopting the traits that they DO find attractive. Continue to be the nice guy, but be the nice guy with razor edge!
Think of the ‘nice guy’ as always showing affection behaviours and the attractive guy as showing attractive behaviours.
Affectionate behaviour in itself is not actually a bad thing. The problem is that most guys tend to show these behaviours at the wrong time. When we’re trying to attract girls, we don’t want to be showing affectionate behaviour and instead, show attractive behaviour. Affectionate behaviour is something that should come in relationships, not when you’re still trying to get the girl.
Some of the affectionate behaviours that guys do when trying to attract girls are:
- Buying gifts
- Seeking approval
- Changing to please the girl
Some of the attractive behaviours that guys should be adopting when trying to attract girls:
- Being spontaneous
- Showing indifference
- Having high standards and sticking by them
When guys take on the ‘nice guy’ role they’ll often immediately try to build comfort with her when they first go to talk to her and qualify themselves. This is not attractive behaviour and instead when we first talk to girls we want to be fun, spontaneous, teasing the girl and not being afraid to lose her.
Essentially, the affectionate behaviour is being the provider and the attractive behaviour is being the lover. When we’re out to meet and attract girls, we want to display ourselves as the lover, rather than the provider. Women will talk to the provider and fuck the lover. So make sure you’re the lover first and provider second, if you’re wanting a relationship that is, otherwise just stick to being the lover.
One thing to be aware of regarding this is that most women will tell you that they want to meet a nice guy to take care of them. However, there is a BIG difference between what women want and what causes attraction. So be wary when girls tell you they just want to be a nice guy and that you should be the nice guy around them.
Always keep in mind, attraction consists of (amongst other things); being unpredictable, being spontaneous, being unafraid to lose her and having standards.
So what can you do to stop being the nice guy and become more attractive? Do some introspection and figure out if you’re falling into the provider category. If you know that you do some of the affectionate behaviours when you’re talking to women, then cut these out from your future interactions with women.
Aim to hit more of the attractive behaviours. Don’t be afraid to lose the girl, take risks for what you want. Make sure you’re being spontaneous and acting in the moment, do this with confidence and you’ll be attracting girls with this energy. Make sure you’re being dominant and leading the interaction, this is very attractive behaviour.
Lastly, the most important aspect is to have fun and be self-entertaining. Do things for yourself and because you find them fun. Don’t do something to please or gain approval from women.
You don’t need to be a ‘bad guy’ or an asshole to attract women. Make these changes in your behaviour and you’ll stop being the stereotypical ‘nice guy’ and you’ll become the attractive guy that women want to be around.