The importance of building momentum with women
Dating, or any skill for that matter, is about building momentum. Having momentum keeps you going on inevitable days when you feel “off”, or when you feel a strong urge to retreat into your comfort zone (from which you might never leave again.) No matter how good a workshop, motivational speaker or self-help guide, none of it can change your life if you can’t keep going past the first week. The same goes for dating:
Positive and negative momentum
You need to recognize two kinds of momentum that drive your actions: positive and negative momentum.
Negative momentum propels you toward an unproductive comfort zone. Have you ever had one of those days where you just don’t feel like doing anything? Have you ever cancelled a night out because you just don’t have the energy to be social, approach women, be charming, etc.?
This is what a build up of negative momentum feels like. It stops you from being at your best, and this can often start before you even think about speaking to the first woman today. Left unchecked, the negative momentum can build from the moment you wake up.
Here’s an example of how negative momentum builds up, from the start of the day:
• You wake up but decide not to shave, because it’s too much hassle and you need to go buy shaving cream anyway. So you skip it
• You look disheveled and tired in the mirror. Maybe you can put off doing that report for work/college that you really need to be working on, just today.
• Since you’re already making it a de-facto rest day, you may as well skip going to the gym as well.
• But you do need to buy groceries so you can pig out on Pringles and Cheetos in front of the TV. When you reluctantly go to the store, you evade smiling or striking up a conversation with the cute girl at the check-out. You just want to get home quick and enter full-on couch potato mode.
The negative momentum has built throughout your day. And when you see a cute girl you’re avoid going to speak to her. You have no energy to fight anxiety and be charming (it doesn’t help that you’re aware you didn’t shave, and are probably dressed down.)
This negative momentum will build further throughout the night as well, and it will be increasingly difficult to approach women as it gets stronger.
Positive momentum is the opposite. Consider the same day, but with a positive attitude:
• You decide to have that shave in the morning, despite having to run to the store to grab some shaving cream. You want to look your best all the time.
• When you see your fresh and energized face in the mirror, you have fewer problems getting on that report you need to complete. You’re even excited about doing well, it’ll impress your boss / lecturer and show off your skills.
• You feel good after getting that report off your chest, and you have so much energy you’ll enjoy a workout at the gym.
• You make small talk with the staff at the gym, with the checkout guy/girl when buying groceries on the way back, and other people you come in contact with throughout your day. These positive interactions feed your energy even more, and keep you going.
When you go out that night, you’ll feel great about yourself. The positive actions throughout the day have built up the right kind of momentum to carry into the night. You radiate energy and make great conversation with women. You’re relaxed, funny, and difficult to derail.
What kind of momentum would you rather have working for you when out meeting women?
Take actions throughout your day that build positive momentum. The man who takes action in his life, and is always moving towards his goals, is irresistible to women.
From the big things (e.g. closing a multi-million-dollar business deal) to the small things (taking pride in your appearance each day), focus on building positive momentum to put you in the right mindset. It won’t just make approaching women easier; it ensures peak performance in almost every aspect of your life.
Work out a routine for yourself, or a set of standards you want to hold yourself to. Keep yourself looking sharp, don’t skip the gym, work to pursue your goals, etc. and you will carry that positivity into your interactions. For more on tips and tricks to build positive momentum, like us on Facebook / Twitter – I’ll write an update on that soon.